Football is my foil.

Yes. Yes, I had wanted to use that title for a while now. I think it’s great. I know it’s simple, but I can’t help that I still love it. Just wanted to make a post about how that I am only human. I know, recently, that people have begun to think I’m super human and may have ingested some radioactivity which turned me into a psychotic green (or white) monster. I was beginning to think the same thing about myself. Until, until…football came around. No, no, you ignorant americans I’m not talking about football where you throw a spiral ball with your hand. That doesn’t even make sense to be called that. I’m talking of the game you refer to as soccer. Let me back track though. The day started with volleyball. A new sport you say? Oh I bet Hank would dominate at that one too. You bet your ass I did. I don’t even think I really dominated but I put such a fear into them that I wasn’t even allowed to serve. Because I’m not nicknamed Ace for nothing. [Editor’s Note: We’ve never heard him referred to as Ace before but he pays us so we let him say whatever he wants.] Did we win regardless of that? Of course we did. I was on the team. I don’t play with losers. Soccer though. Soccer. Football. Am I the loser? I believe I may have been. Did we win the game? Of course we still did but it wasn’t because of me. It was because for the last three goals, I’m pretty sure it was 5v1. And we still only won 7-6. I started off as goalie because I think they thought with my large frame and adept quickness I’d easily be able to swat off any incoming balls. They were wrong. I let  goals in. Three I believe before I was benched. Or rather sent out into the battlefield. How did I respond? By promptly assisting on a goal only to immediately score on my own team. Being giant doesn’t do you any favors in soccer. Being able to continually run sure does though. Which children ten years my junior seem to have a better grasp of. Again, we won, let’s not forget that. Sure, I didn’t include that a teacher joined in and may have scored two of the goals himself while also playing goalie. I can’t help I was never taught how to dribble! Or run without heaving. Let’s make this abundantly clear, I won. We won. I’m still the  best. I just apparently am not as excellent as I originally thought. Eh, it’s fine though. I’d rather be a bench player on a champion team than a loser anyday. So it goes.


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