musings.

Originally this blog was created to document my time abroad and yadda yadda yadda. Yes, I’m including a Seinfeld reference that will barely appeal to my demographic of voracious Gen Z readers. Since I’m finally returning from around two and a half months from a time abroad, maybe it’s time to pick the blog up again. However, I was prepping what I’d want to write in my head during a four-hour commute to the airport this morning and I don’t feel it’s the time to use those lines. Oh, don’t worry, the references would be less dated than Seinfeld but still about 10 or 15 years past when they’d be funny. Like, I busted open my computer now to put my thoughts into worlds while sipping on this mojito in a can, but it just doesn’t feel right. It’s probably because I’m writing this in Microsoft Word and not just write into WordPress because I can’t connect to internet. Like, I specifically write in the blog directly because I don’t like a stupid computer program to tell me my grammar or spelling mistakes. Half of my charm is that I’m unedited, uncensored, and another u word that makes sense in context. The other half of my charm? My encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture that happened when I was a toddler. Can’t wait to bust out some references to the grunge era and when MTV used to play videos.

I also don’t listen to anything typically when I write and now, I have Harry Styles crooning in my ear and that must have some effect. No, not his solo work, but One Direction. As I was just about to type out the lyrics of the song, I am being reminded why I don’t listen to anything except my own inner monologue. I’m also realizing that lines you think would be good in a blog that you’re thinking about when operating off 3 hours of sleep don’t sound nearly as good when you’re trying to put things onto the page. Is this a page? I did have a typewriter once and other how awful it was to use for typing, it did have the benefit of actual pages being created right in front of one’s eyes and you felt accomplished. Right now? I’m just wondering. I don’t even know what I’m wondering. I was going to make some comment about, jeez, it doesn’t matter, I’m getting annoyed by how much Word thinks it wants to edit me. I already thought I used too many commas bucko and you’re telling me to use more? Have some damn self control. Oh, you’re telling me I need a hyphen for self control? That’s not how I play the game, if I wanted a real editor, I’d hire one.

In other news, I talked to an old coworker, and it seems like half of my former colleagues have either left for greener pastures or just left in general. I planned on writing a series of blogs about my time there, but I didn’t know if sharing my secondary trauma with others was a nice thing to do. Trust me though, those posts would’ve been bangers. Or just me venting in a cathartic manner because if I hadn’t left when I did, I might’ve suffered a mental breakdown. Who wants to hear those stories though? I’m in a better place now! I’m a writer again! A writer who writes, promises he’ll continue, and then takes months off. Rinse and repeat. Ad nauseum. I gotta admit, I was excited to write again. It felt good to sit and plan things while I wrote in a car falling in and out of sleep. It also felt good to not have constant internet access for most of the last few months, so I had time to think about random things, mostly bullshit, instead of keeping myself constantly “entertained” in some facet. Does this mean I’ll have a creative resurgence? Probably not. It just means I’ve had even more time to return my favorite fruits list which is something I take more seriously than just about everything else in life. Will I even keep to my promise to write a second blog tomorrow when I have internet so I can write unfettered and bust out my Talladega Nights lines? I sure hope so. I want to write about Brazil, I want to write about Curacao, I want to write about love and engagements and stomach lining.

Until then though? I’ll putter around and dread this 10-hour flight and ask myself why am I listening to the Glee soundtrack for the 50th time. Don’t call this a reboot, don’t call this a retinkering, don’t call this anything but a continuation of a project I started years ago. Something I think I have a tiny modicum of talent for, so I create a rabid fanbase in my head to give myself motivation to express myself creatively as to not let them down. Isn’t loving yourself all about lying to yourself? Oh wow, what a deep comment. I bet no has ever said that before. I GET IT WORD; YOU HATE MY GRAMMAR. I can’t believe I used that reboot line just a couple sentences ago as well, that was one of the things I planned, but not the bastardized version I included here. Trust me, the next post won’t live up to the hype (the non-existent hype), but it will include the line that I thought of in the car this morning. Will it have a narrative payoff? Not at all. Will I be satisfied though? You bet your butt and isn’t loving yourself all about making yourself happy? Another attempt to be deep and the quotes keep getting less and less cliché and just plain bad. So it goes.

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