Donuts.

Or doughnuts. But everyone knows if you type it “doughnuts” then you’re dumb and no one wants to be friends with you. That’s not a personal opinion. That’s a fact. You can ask anyone. Seriously, I did. I don’t write these posts without backing up my sources. Feel free to check out my bibliography that I’ll post whenever this blog ends. It’s hundred of pages already. Wow, I’d forgotten how writing these blog posts go. I just start with an idea and then start rambling and post whatever pours out onto the page. Let’s not get off track though, the topic here is donuts. I consider myself a baker. I consider myself a baker because I made a cake a couple weeks ago and I thought it tasted pretty good so in my mind I’m a baker. I want to make it clear that baking a cake is easy peasy. Making donuts is like thwarting a bear in hand to hand combat. Now bear (no pun intended) with me as I turn donut making into a metaphor for life. Uh…third time’s the charm? When one is faced with an obstacle you must overcome it and keep trying to make the perfect dough? Yeast is the devil? One of those probably applies to someone. I mainly just wanted to write this to document that it happened. That my good buddy Chris and I spent around ten hours attempting to make 25 donuts. That during my final week in Florida, I spent an entire day going back and forth to a grocery store because we had no idea that we killing yeast cells and thus destroying our chances of even coming close to something resembling dough. Should I write a post about 2016 and going back to Alabama and my future with that? Yeah, I probably should. Yeah, I probably will. Until then though, I want everyone to know that Chris and I made damn delicious donuts and Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme can go to hell. They will never compare with us and they will never compete with us. They mainly won’t compete with us because we’ll never be a national donut chain but if we were, we’d be better. If one is to take anything from this post, I’d have it be this. If you’re going to watch an episode of Good Eats and take inspiration from it to make something then you should make sure you can find that episode on YouTube or Netflix or you have it recorded on your DVR. When you end up watching some random kid named Johnny make donuts with his magical powers it just isn’t the same. How did he make that dough just magically form in five minutes? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DEAL WITH THE DEVIL DID YOU MAKE JOHNNY?! It’s okay though. In the end it all worked out. 10 hours and 3 batches of doughnuts later (with two being botches) we had donuts. We had delicious donuts. I know I’ve already said that a couple time but they were good. I ate five of them. My stomach really hurt and I might be sweating out sugar but like, it was delicious and I might have actually eaten five and a half. I’m a baker now. Chris Shade is a baker. We’re bakers. Donuts are great. Represent.

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