Today, I saw the Lego Batman movie. That has nothing to do with the point of this blog, but it’s not like what I most of what I say makes sense regardless. It was a funny film and better than expected and I wholeheartedly recommend it. Let’s just say it was better than La La Land. Which I went in with high expectations and was let down compared to this which I did go in with expectations and they were exceeded. That’s what you want from a film, that’s what you go to movies for. To hope that 90 minutes can be more exciting than a 2 minute trailer. This blog post is also not about the movie about a dog that died over and over and apparently was abused on set. Don’t see that, don’t support that. This blog is because I went to see a movie with a friend, let’s call her Aubrie the ginger, and then we ate lunch afterwords. Did she implore me to get a giant pitcher of margaritas because it was happy hour? No. She didn’t. The story sounds better if we put the blame on her though. So I did that, I had some maracuya (that’s Spanish for passion fruit) and it was delicious. It definitely become a chore by the end but I wasn’t going to let it go to waste and I had to soldier through it. I don’t know if this was Aubrie’s plan and I actually do know what we did next and the pitcher of margarita weren’t related but for the story let’s say they were. She said “Let’s go to the animal shelter and look at all the animals that need our help because we’re in the helping profession and that doesn’t just apply to humans but all of God’s creatures.” She’d recently returned to church if that wasn’t obvious enough. I went to the animal shelter with a heart of blackened, impenetrable steel and within five minutes it was like I’d experienced high temperatures of Kelvin and my heart was melted. You know what humans do? They act irrationally, they kill each other, they hurt one another for their amusement, and they’re total dicks. You know what dogs do? Bring joy and happiness and fun and splendor and turn frowns upside down and give you cuddle buddies. Just because my former dog was a FBI secret agent that plotted my death didn’t mean that he didn’t have his good moments too. No one wore a Cheese-It Box on their head better than that guy did. Is that the point? What is the point? That’s a good point. The point is that if you go to an animal shelter, those animals can see inside your soul. They deem if you’re a good person or not. Obviously, the dog named Hank was too connected to me that he saw that I had some problems and he promptly ignored me. Dogs like Aka though? They saw the goodness inside me. The puppies? Sure, they’re cute but everyone thinks a puppy is cute. Let’s talk about the dog that had been in there since November. I don’t give a crap if you’re four years old, maybe you deserve a home with a guy who’s also in his own little cage to himself. I’m only saying this because I live by myself and that can get lonely and I’ve mentioned that before. Dogs are a man’s best friend! Dogs don’t care if you spend too much time watching Netflix as long as you feed them on time. Dogs don’t care if you don’t wear pants because they don’t wear pants in general! I only mention this because as I walked out today, as I was strolling to the exit, I could see every dog turn to look at me and say “Go on, be an asshole, go back to your lonely life and leave me to suffer here, you dick.” That is what their eyes said and that is what I felt them saying deep in my soul. Were there cute adorable dogs? Of course there were, and yet there are dogs that resemble me. Strong, smart, intelligent, sexy, older, refined gentleman. Or ladies. That said, “Hank, you’re going to go home and you’re going to be like Why didn’t I adopt you because I could improve your life and I wouldn’t bring you down and support bad habits that you’ve grown out of because you’re a responsible person and an excellent student and I want to help you grow.” Again, it’s remarkable how much dogs can speak with so few words that happen to pierce your soul. No, I didn’t come home with 3-5 dogs but I sure thought about it. And I’m still thinking about it, and I imagine I’ll continue to think about it because dammit, Social Workers help everybody! I don’t discriminate if you have paws, only if you bite me in the face and break my laptop. Sorry corgis. So it goes.
P.S. http://www.cw.ua.edu/blog/b-word-from-the-wise You can go there and check out my second blog that I wrote for the student newspaper here at Alabama. “Make the most of your education” is nowhere near the title of “Cranky Old Man” but I don’t have final say in what gets posted. Check it out.