today at work i killed a cockroach

I was standing for some reason, maybe to promote cardiovascular awareness. I saw a cockroach. I stepped on it. A coworker said, “Thank you, Hank.” Another said, “You took that one for the team.” I was a hero. A hero who then had to clean up cockroach guts and flush them down the toilet that is situated 3 feet away from his desk. The sign on the door says “Employee’s Only” but I don’t consider that cockroach an employee and he’s living there in the pipes now. Do I think he’s dead? I hope so, he was stepped on with the full force of 45$ Docker’s Men Loafers. I think they were 50$ but I rounded the price down to appear more relatable because I only, exclusively, use them as work shoes and don’t even bring them home. My point is, should I print out a sign I create with WordArt and say, “And Cockroach’s Too” and tape it under the plaque already there? Of course, I won’t because that’s weird and no one wants to be reminded of that vile creature. Except now I’m afraid I’ll use the bathroom and next thing I know that monstrosity will be swimming up from hell where it’s presumed dead. Those things can survive a nuclear bomb, ya know.

A friend of mine told me I should write a new blog post. I do not believe this is what she intended. Granted, one does not deign where inspiration reigns from. That was an unexpected rhyme I just used because I can’t remember the last time that I used the word deign. Nor am I even sure it was used correctly but it’s a cool-sounding word that is not mentioned enough.

I brought a book to my job today. It’s called CLINICAL PSYCHOPHARMACOLOGY made ridiculously simple. I haven’t read it while it’s been sitting on my bookshelf in my apartment, nor have I read it while it sits on my desk at work. I’m just staring at it now, noticing it has an interpretation of Rodin’s The Thinker on the cover. There’s no more to this paragraph. I just hope writing this out inspires me to read page one before the day is over.

What else has happened, what else? I went to a wedding in FL. Experienced antisemitism in FL. Two different experiences, wholly unrelated. It’s very obvious to me writing this that I took a break after the “deign and reign” paragraph. Because I think that’s about how far the initial inspo took me and I’m running on fumes ever since. It’s just like I looked at the word count and it was paltry so I thought I could bolster it up. Let’s put a pause on this and see what else happens throughout the day.

It is one day later. I am now working from home. I was supposed to conduct a session with a gentleman, but his phone is off. That is distressing to me because had he answered my day would’ve been finished. Now I anxiously await the possibility of him calling back. At the same time, I know the chances of him calling back are minuscule, but due to there being a chance, I can not entirely be comfortable. Why couldn’t he just have had his phone on?

I’m not sure in the Metamamorphosis by Kafka if he turns into a cockroach or like a moth or something. I’m pretty sure it’s a cockroach. I really need it to be a cockroach because I just told a friend that “some people call me the next Kafka.” No one has ever, nor will ever call me that. I read his book, The Trial. I don’t think I ever finished The Metamorphasis. I’ve also spelled that name wrong in two different ways so far and I still don’t know how to spell it right. Metamorphosis. Meta-Morbius. A movie I did not see.

Not all blogs have to be over a thousand words. It’s been diminishing returns since I wrote the initial paragraph about the cockroach. However, I think what I wrote today was much better than the padding I attempted yesterday afternoon. I want to divulge information without being too introspective or navel-gazing. This is meant to have some form of entertainment factor, not just be a journal of my own thoughts. As I said, sometimes less is more. I had a surge of inspiration due to the cockroach stomping and I wrote that and now I’m just breaking the fourth wall about the writing process but I’m barely giving any interesting insights and mostly complaining about my own words. I think this is enough. So it goes.


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