How many blogs has this been?

Sixty something? Maybe. I go through thoughts of potential titles and alway squash them but then I have to squash the generic titles because I think I may have already used them. I’m getting to a point where I can’t think of original or generic titles. Blank Space? Oh garsh, now I’m just stealing Taylor Swift songs. You’re right. Maybe I should just use Taylor Swift songs as my blog titles. Starting with the next one I’ll try it out. So what is this post about. Who knows? Random thoughts. Maybe I’ll type stuff out and it’ll form into more coherent thoughts. If not, you can enjoy it regardless. It’s still great. So what’s happened this week? I bought pre-workout from a guy that barely spoke English so I have no real idea what I’m ingesting into my body. Still feeling good though. Smelling good? Not entirely. I can’t help I have a limited amount of shirts and I gotta endure the sweat. Some people are into that? I’m not one of those people but I’m getting used to it. I’m not, I think I smell gross. It appears I’ll be alone again for my last week here in Costa Rica. Which should be bearable, I think I can handle it. It is pretty crazy this week because of Holy Week and school being canceled so we have twice the amount of kids. We’re surviving though. It does help when you have two very well prepared ladies as the other volunteers assisting you. Without them, I’d probably be lost. Oh great, I’ll be without them for an entire week. Hope you enjoyed this one kids, it’s all going downhill from here. That’s not true. Or I hope that’s not true. What is true though is that I was told that I need to enforce the discipline a bit more and well, I saw that coming. Compared to the other volunteer placements I’ve had in both Costa Rica and Peru, this is definitely the most unstructured one of the bunch. In that we’re essentially given free reign to do what we can and what we want. I do assume it would be pretty different if we could communicate on a fluent level but we make do with what we can which boils down to essentially lots of games, lots of crafts, etc. Even in the other placements, it did have its moments of looseness but there was always that overseeing presence right around the corner. In Peru it was even more structured than that but whatever. The only problem with the entirely unstructured system is that I’m a little looser with the kids than I need to be. Or should be. Knowing the kid’s situations and knowing this isn’t an ideal spot for them influences how I think because I tend to think “Well, I gotta make sure they enjoy themselves, they aren’t in the best place.” Though I wouldn’t say that means I need to allow anarchy. I mean, I’m glad that someone here did mention it because I was thinking it myself. But I was also thinking, “Well, I can’t be that bad.” And maybe I’m not that bad. Still doesn’t mean I should let kids be crazy without consequence. It’s true that I did allow a child, children to hang a baby doll with a jump rope acting as a makeshift noose and throw rocks at it. For a half hour. It’s also true that I might have thrown a rock or two myself because I found it amusing. At the time I didn’t realize that I was furthering and supporting sociopathic behavior. I’ve made some mistakes, I’ll admit that much. That’s what I’m trying to change. At least, today I was. And tomorrow. And the next day. I can’t have them all be wild animals when it’s me there alone. It’s just hard when there’s a communication barrier. Meh, that’s just an excuse. It’s harder sure, but it’s not impossible. I guess I’m just thinking that if I’m the bad guy, I won’t be the fun guy anymore. Even though it always seems the people of authority who set no limits at all are what create the monsters. I’m not creating monsters. I am no Dr. Frankenstein. I don’t know what they might become later in life, but I don’t want to be that guy that spurred them down that path. See, I almost didn’t want to write about this part. Because the more I write about it, I’m like “Damn Hank, you were messing up there.” Which is true. I was. It’s just that if I write it out, everyone knows that I was. Except if I don’t write it out and people don’t know then how can I be held accountable? Look at what happens when I try to hold myself, I realize there’s a problem and blah. I ain’t perfect. I never said I was. Man…the more I write about this, the more I realize I should have been changing my tune as soon as I realized I was definitely the most lenient out of the girls I was volunteering with. One is a substitute teacher right now and going into teaching. Of course they know better than I do. Rock throwing at babies isn’t a healthy activity. Well thank you blog. For being cathartic healing. Or something like that. I got a week and a half more to make my mark. I might as well do the best I can. It seems apt to end here. But I’m not! Because I could have lice. You didn’t think I’d mention that did ya? I hope I don’t have lice. I forgot to mention lice. On Monday, a girl had fifteen giant lice bugs combed out of her hair. She was one of six children who had them. They like clean hair. I shower every morning. Can’t help I gotta look fresh for those children. I’m teaching them how to be a better person and how to be fly like a white guy. Oh yeah. I was also crucified on Monday. Glad they’re celebrating Holy Week right by miming faux crucifixions with me as Jesus. Have I called myself Jesus before? White Hulk. The Great White Hope. Now I’m White Jesus. If I wasn’t already. So it goes.

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