Anything you can do, I can do better.

I’ve written so many blog posts and now, and with my stupid idea of never actually reviewing or re-reading any of them, I might be rehashing the same topics, themes, talking points, at least when I’m not recounting a day or a weekend. And that’s okay. Why is it okay? Because I make it entertaining enough so you don’t get bored. And because I’m not intentionally rehashing the same ideas, sometimes they just come back to me in full force and I’m inspired to write them down all over again. This morning, as per usual, I was thinking about Michael Jordan and Mia Hamm. As as avid Chicago Bulls/Washington Wizards and the US Women’s Soccer team fan, that probably isn’t a shock to most of you. I have no idea when the song, or rather the commercials for “Anything you can do, I can do better…I can do anything better than you.” came out and if I guessed I know I would be completely wrong. I remember them clearly though. I think Michael Jordan was even swinging a baseball bat in them which is a bit strange. Strange for you youngbloods who never even got to watch him play. Let’s not focus on Michael Jordan though, let’s not focus on basketball at all even though the Finals are nearing day by day. Let’s not focus on how I haven’t been able to watch a single game of the playoffs because they all start at around 2 AM here and I’m fast asleep. No, let’s focus on that commercial. You all know it. If you don’t, look it up, it was pretty popular, it can’t be that hard to find. Something I remember from an old therapy session was expressing that I felt if I couldn’t be the best at something, then why should I bother even trying? Which is a dumb way to think, because as she said, as is obvious, almost no one is going to be the best at what they do. They might be great, they might even be a prodigy, but more likely than not, someone is going to be better than you and you just have to face that reality. Let’s not focus on that though. Let’s focus on the commercial. I think this thought was brought back into my head because of a fellow volunteer who is here partially to get experience for Doctors Without Borders. He’s been out of practice for quite some time, but he said from his position doing administrative medicine, he saw doctors doing what he did and he realized he could do it better and he should be back doing it. I really do believe, I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll say it again if I want to. I see the same thing, I’ve seen people here, (here meaning over the course of this whole trip) especially those working with children, that I look at and think I can do it better. Sometimes these people are trained to work with children, sometimes they aren’t, but most times I come out thinking that I can do a better job than them. Which isn’t an inflated sense of my own ego, because well, I’m not going to be the first person to tell you how great I am. I feel most of what I say revolves around how great I’m not. This also doesn’t really even pertain to today, or pertain to this current crop of volunteers, it just pertains to me walking around today enjoying life and thinking, I am good at what I’m doing. And then thinking, I’ve been thinking that at every place I’ve been at. That maybe I don’t start off immediately perfect but by the end, I am proud of what I’m doing, I’m proud of how I’m doing it, and I’m proud of the example I’m setting. This isn’t supposed to be a sappy love letter to myself, except I just feel there were so few moments over the past few years where I even felt these emotions that I want to make note of them when they do arise. I also don’t want this to come across like I’m putting down the other volunteers. Because I can’t even tell if I am or aren’t. I’m just saying that I’m better than them. Or can been. Or have been. Not all of them, just some of them, most of them. Better in my own subjective mind that is probably completely biased. Hey now, this isn’t where I was even tryin’ to go when I first started. What has happened here? There’s been plenty of great volunteers here and I imagine there will be quite a few good ones before I’m done with this too. I’m mainly trying to say that I’m feeling inspired, that I’m feeling good (round three or four), and I think I keep on growing. I just want to make sure that people know these things, or even I know them about myself when I’m posting blogs about how it’s starting to take a toll on me. Which this is, which it has, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not still enjoying the hell out of it and I think I’m becoming better and better because of it. Sometimes I do want to have a bit of  a positive spin on what I’ve been doing because it is going well and I’m become more well off because of it. I’m just saying that I agree with Denis, you can see how things are going and you can become inspired to change it. Or you can sit back and watch and know you could do a better job and just see what happens. That’s probably what the old me would do. The old me would think “I might have a better thought for this” but keep quiet and watch a travesty unfold. Not anymore, I’m tired of watching and thinking and not acting. I’m ready to act. I’m ready to star on Broadway. I’m ready to win my Academy Award. Just going with the acting analogy, not trying to divulge my new dream of becoming a movie star. Did this post end up how I thought it would when I started writing? No, of course it didn’t. I do feel that it started off great with the Jordan/Hamm talk and it may have devolved into a mess of random thoughts but that’s what I do. I write what the brain tells me and it’s a bit eclectic. If you made it this far, I’m proud of you. That ride was a doozy. So it goes.

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