My time with Tia is finally coming to a conclusion. Which is probably for the best after it seems like she’s finally catching on that I don’t know as much Spanish as she originally though. I can’t say that for sure or not but she never pointed to something on a piece of paper that had both Spanish and English words on it until recently. I think when she asked me about something I was wearing and I attempted horribly to try to explain it that she might have gotten some new insights. Still, we’re doing good her and I, we’re doing real good. The kids too. They obviously love me. Nothing scream loves more than saying goodbye to them and having them all chant in unison about how ugly I am. It warms my heart. It warms my heart even more to know that they call each other ugly all the time as well so maybe they just consider me on their level. Or they truly think I’m ugly. Hopefully they’ll get more attractive volunteers with the next batch. Speaking of the next batch, I did find out that all eighteen of the new volunteers will stem from Hoosier (Indiana) University. Which means that there’s a chance that I could be the oldest person here out of twenty people. Sure, I’m already the oldest person right now but there are only two other girls here! Most likely they won’t think my two or three age difference over them shouldn’t result in me being exalted and considered their king but a boy can dream. It more just means that I’ll have to actually organize my room in which I’m not using three beds in order to house my belongings because it’s easier that way then keeping them all sorted in an organized fashion. Other than that, all’s been pretty quiet on the home front. Sunday, the new arrivals come. Friday, a girl who’s been here for nine weeks leaves. Saturday, a day of complete and total peace before the inevitable chaos of the following day. It’s really just been a pretty tranquil place. We’re having fun but it’s easy going. I keep writing about the new people because it’s just going to be so sudden of a change and it’s a hot topic of discussion of how much is going to change with their arrival. It’s exciting. It’s petryifying. It should all work out though. What I’m trying to say is don’t expect too much excitement from my end until the upcoming week because I’m sure it’ll be in a hearty supply then. I’ll make sure to comment on my first four weeks on Friday or Saturday but I’ll keep it light. I’m preparing myself for the coming storm. A happy storm. So it goes.

RIP Mustache.

2/8/15-3/9/15

So it goes.

I may not know what I’m doing once I return to the states but these trips are telling me things I shouldn’t do when I’m back. A professional rappelling instructor probably is something I’ll choose to forego. I am glad though that my volunteer sisters have recovered. Oh crap, I forgot I was calling my dear readers sisters now. Either way, we didn’t get to do our original vacation plan because of their illnesses and today I thought it wouldn’t be much better. Since I woke up knowing it was cold and raining and I was thinking for my own well being that maybe I should skip out on going out today.  I did not. I’m glad I did not. I don’t know if I’ll ever be back in these countries again so I figure I might as well do the most of what they have to offer. If that’s ziplining through the rainforest, traversing hanging bridges, and rappelling down waterfalls then sign me up. A few scrapes and bruises aren’t going to turn me off from the thrill. Especially since I have the bruises and cuts after the fact and I didn’t know that I was going to get them going into today. I actually didn’t know I was going to be smoothly, without a single fault, maneuvering down multiple waterfalls either. If someone was to slander me with libel then they could say that I bashed my knees into rocks multiple times, slipped and fell multiple times, and was pelted with very strong, rapid water right into the crotch multiple times but they’d be liars and thieves. I don’t associate with liars and thieves. Really though, today was just a cool adventure into the rainforest and I’m especially glad we did get to do something since it is one of the girl’s last weekends (this will be her 9th week) and who would want to spend that stuck at the home base the entire time because you’re ill? Nobody that’s who! Or nobody I want to meet at least. She may have looked like she was going to turn into a human ice cube but she survived. We all did. We all got cold. We all made it though. None of us looked entirely exception, but hats off to Hannah because she definitely looked better than the rest. And blonder than the rest. Because fun fact, she’s the only blonde person that’s been spotted in Costa Rica thus far. I’ll make sure to keep everyone completely updated on the blonde count, don’t you worry. Other than that, it was still a nice relaxing weekend which I think was good and needed especially because of all the hecticness that we’ll be enveloped by next week. I know I keep mentioning the slew of new people coming in but it’s close. It’s happening. I’ve enjoyed a room to myself for the past two weeks and soon to be three and that reality is going to be crashing down on me. I never had a problem in the showers. I never had to wait in line for the toilet. Things are a changin’. So it goes.

You may think I only post a couple of these blog posts a week and you’d be right in thinking that because that’s how it typically goes down but but it doesn’t mean that my thoughts aren’t always constantly revolved around posting amazing words of wisdom for all of my five readers to adhere to. The reason why I don’t post as many blog posts as I should? There’s no real reason other than me saying I should do that and then doing something else and then realizing I need to go to sleep. That’s really what it comes down to. So I figured I’d just try to sum up some things real quick about the week and the coming week and whatever questions you have in this week’s mailbag. A mailbag that is completely hypothetical and can not exist anyway because no one sent in questions. Because why would you, because that wouldn’t make sense. As I did mention before (I think) it has been a bit harder running the whole shabang with just me as the sole volunteer though it seems to be going pretty well. The kids are more often than not good kids and when they do things to aggravate me into a silent rage then I just deal with it and count my blessings that I don’t have to deal with that type of behavior all day. Justyn still goes from evil enemy to good hearted friend at the bat of an eye, trying to stab me with pencils, pouring glue down my pants, pouring glue on my pants, breathing on my face after telling me he’s sick, and running and jumping where he seems to land right on my groin but there’s good in there too. I’m not sure where the good is exactly but since we haven’t come to blows yet I guess he’s doing alright. The Tia has seemingly turned into the witch from Hansel and Gretel trying to fatten me up to ultimately eat me. As the departure of Sarah settled, the Tia seems to be doling out twice the amount of food than before and doesn’t seem to take no for an answer when I try to reject her countless offers. I also have no idea where she gets this food for the kid because multiple times this week we had cinnamon buns and a baker’s version of pizza. Not entirely sure how good her oven is for the purposes of roasting an adult man but I’m not entirely sure I want to find out. With only one more week there, I will do my best to avoid death by mastication.

In other news, I did get to go to visit with students taking or rather finishing a year long English course and as part of their final exam, or maybe a reward for their final exam they brought us in so they could actually practice speaking English out loud with native speakers. Let me tell ya, I’m probably not the most outgoing person you’ll ever meet and throwing me right into the fray with a group of people and having to talk to them for an hour off the top of my head isn’t my strongest suit. It was a real good time though. Some speakers were better than the others but all in all they did definitely put my Spanish to shame. The more and more people I meet on these adventures the more ignorant I do feel with having a basic grasp of Spanish and that’s it after knowing English. Everyone I’ve met from Europe has been at least bilingual and even the fellow I roomed with temporarily in Lake Titicaca, who was from China, knew five languages. Five! I definitely do have a desire to learn more Spanish and no matter what happens when I return, I do want to make continuing to learn more languages a priority just because it seems so valuable in the world. So many connections you can make, and I’m potentially missing out on because I don’t have a perfect grasp on another language.

I don’t mean to end this post on a sad note except that it appears I will have to. I’m the only well and able bodied person in this home base anymore. I say that because one woman is leaving early tomorrow morning so I can’t  count her. All I’m trying to say is that, with the exception of her, I appear to be the only person who is not sick. I’m not sure why entirely but I’ve been abroad for three months now and I’ve seemed to come off relatively scott free. Which is good. I hope to keep it that way. We did have a weekend trip planned that was ultimately canceled and that’s too bad. It’s more too bad for those two girls though. I’m here for five more weeks, they are here for one and two more respectively. It sucks when something that you can’t control gets the better of you and makes you have to rearrange things but you can’t really plan for that. It just happens. I hope they feel better, I hope I continue to feel good and I’m pretty sure we’re gonna have some fun this weekend anywhoo. So it goes.

It’s just been two days alone with Tia and blood has already been shed. My own blood. The kids are lucky that my heart is full of compassion and patience or else the walls could very well be stained crimson by now. You never know how much you’re going to miss your partner until she’s gone. Obviously I figured I would miss Sarah because it’s nice to have at her attempts to understand or even speak recognizable Spanish and it was just good to have someone to talk to in English knowing no one could understand our conversations. We both worked hard and we both did the best we could with the kids but I never even realized how much we both did until it’s just been me alone. Kids are quite fickle. Kids that don’t listen very well are even fickler. At times I thought there were moments of peace in the war between me and the children, but it seems that that may have just been my mind playing tricks on me. I fell for the classic “Let the children use random pretend plastic medical tools that have been in their mouth and other orifices most likely and have them stick them into your mouth to give you a faux dentist check up” trick. Who else under then Dr. Justyn who would conduct the experience? I’m not sure what dentistry tool looks like a pie spatula, or even what field of medicine would use that at all but hey, maybe doctors need strangely shaped butter knives from time to time. Plastic pie butter knives that are sharper than actual butter knives! I’m also not sure what Justyn thought would happen if he kept rubbing the sharp edge over and over my lower gums though he did get an answer. Blood happened. Some may ask, “Why Hank, why didn’t you try to stop that?” I did. Of course I did. Except his damn assistant seemed to think my resisting was a good time to shove three other things into my mouth and forcibly gag me. His assistant was two years old. As I did mention to Sarah last week, I really wish I could go back in time and actually see myself (as an outsider observing) during these formative years. Because I think we both seem to think that kids can be kind of dicks from time to time and that we were simply infallible. I imagine that’s not the case but until someone sends me home movies proving otherwise I’m going to stand by it. I don’t mean to focus just on these aspects of the kids except for that it makes for more interesting stories. I could write on about how we enjoyed coloring together, or just sitting on a stool one little girl grabbed my arm and cuddled with me, or how I can just sit down and children will run and jump into my lap. They’re good kids. They’re cute kids. They just aren’t that way 24/7 though again no kid is unless that kid is a robot that’s a successor to a Stepford Wife. It’s just been a little more difficult working alone and that was to be expected. On the plus side, I only have nine more days doing it. I like the kids, I like the tia, I just like the camaraderie of being two people who are giving it their all but not entirely sure what they’re doing either. It makes for good fun. After this, I move onto an orphanage and during that time eighteen new volunteers will come as well. I’ll be working with someone again and hopefully our struggle is as enjoyable as the first was. Until then, I’ll be busting my booty to make sure these kids remember me in a positive light even if it’s for a week before they inevitably forget me because I was replaced by someone new. Still. That’s something. So it goes.

Oh what a day. What a last day we had. I never truly understand what the Tia knows or doesn’t know and I think she feels the same way about me. She seems to have long talks with me in Spanish, or at least long commands which I always respond to by nodding, saying Si, and walking away to try to do something. It’s gotten so that I do that so often and apparently pull it off so well that she brings in me to translate things for the other volunteer. That’s not the point though! I already commented on the “Fake it till you make it” attitude. That’s old new sisters. Side note: I know I’ve referred to my quote on quote many readers as “Constant Readers” before but I stole that from Stephen King. Not sure if sisters is the best thing to call people though either. C’mon and enjoy this blog my fellow nuns. Not the best ring to it. Oof, there I go getting distracted again. Back to the task at hand. Sarah’s birthday. Dear Sarah, the twenty six year old southern belle from North Carolina does not have a birthday in February. As far as I know. I trust her as far as I can throw her. But since I’ve been going to the gym again we all know that that is pretty dang far. The Tia does seem to have a close relationship with a baker at least. I say this by comparing to state of her house to the assortment of breads and pastries that she seems to wrangle up every single day. On the final day we seemed to find some new evidence regarding the situation in that she may take care of the baker lady’s child? I can’t say for certain but a random did woman did seemingly make four cakes appear out of a suitcase that she just happened to have. I could understand the Tia preparing a cake for the departure of one of us volunteers. I say that because I think we’re amazing and awesome and we do everything and we’re great. That Tia could (and probably) thinks differently but since I’ll never know because I won’t be able to understand her complaints so I’ll think what I want to think. Sarah though! It was her birthday after all. At first, I, nay, we both think that maybe she just happened to get these cakes because it was her last day. That maybe it saying Feliz Cumpleaños was just because it was a good deal. I thought that maybe the kids singing Happy Birthday was just a coincidence because they read the scrawl on the cake and figured, maybe it is a birthday. When the candle came out though, I knew welp, I guess they really do think it’s her birthday. She actually had multiple songs sung for her. She blew out a candle, she made a wish, she got the biggest piece of cake. This random treatment occurred just a week after the girl was thinking that the Tia completely hated her for lack of Spanish vocabulary and felt like she was being singled out because of it. The Tia only knows love. Or she caved knowing that this girl wasn’t going to master Spanish in two weeks. Either way, it’s always nice to leave a placement knowing you got to experience a birthday and get a quarter of a cake to take home with you. The Tia is all love. So much love that she’ll throw a kid out of a photo so I can get into a shot. She has a son there, she has a husband, she could even get out of the photo herself to take the photo but no. She is the Tia. She is in all the photos. From the beginning when they clashed (I’m inserting drama for drama’s sake) to the end when she gave Sarah her Facebook name. The Tia and Sarah have come a long way. You might say they’re best friends now. I wouldn’t argue with that conclusion. So it goes.

In the war against me. My fellow volunteer, Sarah, leaves tomorrow. What’s next? Possibly totally anarchy unless I get a handle on things. A pawn may be too much of an understatement. We’ll say that he’s the Starscream to Shinyang’s Megatron. I should mention that I am making this reference with a very limited knowledge of the 80’s cartoon Transformers: Robots in Disguise but I’ve convinced myself that the comparison is spot on. Except I think there have been times in the cartoon where Starscream switched sides and helped the Autobots…except he could have been a double agent sent to infiltrate the good guys from the inside out and destroy me altogether. Man. Now I regret saving his life today. Did I mention I saved his life today? I saved his life today. Either way, it’s a fun environment to be in. It’s crazy kids doing crazy things and then from time to time showing true heartwarming character followed by them throwing a plastic block at your eye, which you think should not hurt as much as it actually does, and then you cowering in fear until it eventually ends and you realize that you could destroy them if you wanted to but who would do that since you’re not a complete monster and you just gotta do your best to eradicate their bad behavior and turn them into amazing children that they have the potential to be. That’s all. Did I mention saving a life though? Oh. Just the typical boys fighting on top of a table that they climbed on which is like about 75% as high off the ground as they are tall. It probably should have been my responsibility to not let kids fight on top of a table but when they were trying to learn English words on a poster that my fellow volunteer meticulously handcrafted so I let them jump up and down. On a table. A couple of feet off the ground. While they are four years old and tiny. Somehow the jumping turned to brawling and Shinyang proceeded to push Justyn off the table. This wasn’t some weak, lame push either. This was some next level artistry. In my mind Justyn went completely horizontal which at the very least was the position in which I caught him. I caught him with about two inches to spare of his tiny head from smashing onto the linoleum floor. I didn’t specifically calculate it to be the most dramatic catch with the least amount of leeway for error. That’s just how it ended up. How did Justin thank me? By whipping me with random stuffed animals and throwing various objects at my face not even ten minutes later. During that ten minutes though, I feel there was a connection. He saw that there’s a world where he isn’t second fiddle and all arguments aren’t solved with physical violence. He saw greener pastures. At the very least I planted a seed of discontent into his brain. His malleable brain. We’ll see what comes about it in these coming weeks when I’m going to be there seemingly alone. Believe in me. I’ll need all the help I can get. So it goes.

Cherish these blog posts while you can. While my mind is still fresh. While my thoughts are still clear. It takes 21 days to start a habit. Does that apply in reverse? 21 days to suffer from incorrigible madness? Ding, Ding, Dong. The problem is that the Tia seemingly only has one CD and the young children seem to always be clamoring for music. They’re young. They don’t care that it’s the same sixty six minutes over and over and over again. I might not care either if it was something different. Speaking of something different, we attempted to play something different only to have a child scream because the lyrics weren’t in Spanish. I can’t blame her, I wouldn’t want a giant stranger playing gibberish for my precious ears either. It would be  bit easier, perhaps, if the songs were, ya know, better. Starts off with bang! Hakuna Matata, what a wonderful phrase. Sure, it’s all in Spanish but that doesn’t cheapen the majesty of the song at hand. Why it doesn’t continue with a string of Spanish Disney songs is a question I’ve pondered in my head for quite a while. Akhdakhdooajadbahkwuadvadh. There’s a small possibility that I have a CD full of random Peruvian music somewhere in my luggage though I’m not convinced that would do much better for my sanity. What are those random non sequiturs you’re throwing in your blog post you ask? The one’s like “Dong…Ding…(you get it)” and the “gibberish.” Those are titles of the songs. Or what I can only imagine the titles of the songs are. At the very least, those are the only sounds you hear in the songs. There are other songs. I have no idea what they even entail and yet they still haunt my dreams. I’m happy for my fellow volunteer, I really am. She’s getting out. She’s getting out before it’s too late. On a tad more serious note, it is started to get even better working at this day care. We’re communicating better or at the very least I’ve convinced myself that we’re communicating better. The kids seem to be a little less rowdy but that really does seem to vary from day to day. There is no set routine but we seem to make it through the day with more structure and substance than we initially started off with. It’s going good. I’m going to really enjoy these last few days because it seems entirely plausible that I’ll be there alone for the next two weeks. The idea of ten children doesn’t seem that daunting in theory, but in practice, knowing that you’re only in a small room or two it becomes a little more frightening. I’m looking forward to it! Or I’m at least somewhat excited because I’m still naive enough in my ignorance to think it could be a good time. Finally, moving from a more serious note to a lighter note (or something like that), I actually joined a gym. I told myself I would do that in Peru and nine weeks seem to fly by without me really doing all that much effort in that department. In Costa Rica though I accomplished it before week two was even over. Plus it’s only Tuesday and I’ve already gone twice this week. Progress people. Those rice and beans aren’t gonna work themselves off. So it goes.

I was wrong about Justyn. For instance, why isn’t it Justin? Costa Ricans are weird. I thought I instilled the fear of white god (me) into him. Maybe I did. If so, it was only temporarily. He’s back in full force. His force is stronger than I thought. He is the Darth Vader to my Luke. If you think about that too long it totally means he’s stronger from the get go and I have to try to usurp him which isn’t true in the slightest since I’m so much tougher than him now and forever more but I’m going with it because I don’t want to be the evil guy. What I’m trying to say is that today he punched me square in the nuts. Repeatedly. He even hired goons, henchman to assist. I’m also not talking just straight on punching either. He went behind me, and uppercutted me through the legs. What a cheap shot. Didn’t even see it coming. Then if I fall to the ground in peril and distress, he just ends up climbing on top of me to assert his dominance. Sure, I lifted him up with one hand straight from the crotch region but that didn’t do anything to him. He enjoyed it. He thought he was flying. I see your game, Justyn. You might have won today but this war is just starting. Back to the drawing board I must go. So it goes.

My attitude has always been to say Yes, no matter the circumstance, at least when diving head first into a new culture where a mastery of the language is not one of my fortes. Will I say it’s worked pretty well? Actually…yes, yes it has. Sure, there have been times when I might have agreed to do things without having an idea what that was, or some kids may have thought I was either their father or a soon to be father but for the most part I came out unscathed. In Costa Rica, I’ve come to realize that the strategy still works. Because of course it does. Of course it would. At the very least in romantic movies that follow this same premise the end result is always the same: the faking turns into something more real. I was pretending to like the girl, now I love her. It’s a cliche it’s so common. I think that’s what is happening here. Lo and behold, I may actually know a word or two of Spanish. Or at the very least I’ve gotten convincing enough that people are actually thinking I may not be a complete imbecile. It’s true, I do know some words and can use them to even formulate sentences from time to time but I wouldn’t call myself particularly proficient. Doesn’t matter. Improvement! I am basing all of this off the situation of my fellow volunteer though. A girl who like me didn’t come into a foreign speaking country with much knowledge of the foreign language of which they speak. I don’t blame her, I was her. The “Tia” may blame her though. I say that as a boy offered the equivalent to bread pudding while the girl was offering nothing. Actually, she did wash my dishes afterwards but that was only due to the fact that she was trying to butter up to the tia, not because she was commanded to. Still. It is her name that is called throughout the day while I go about my business without disturbance. Either because she is trying to instill the word of Spanish into this girl through repetition or well, I don’t even know why. I just know that it seems I almost get preferential treatment based off my limited, limited knowledge of espanol. Will I ride this as long as I can though? Of course I will. This girl is only here for two weeks. I can assure you that once she’s gone, the facade will be up and I’ll be ruined. Crap, I only have one more week with her. I’ll have to make the most of it. Or you know, actually improve my Spanish to a respectable level. But what’s the fun in that. I’ve been faking it for so long that I can’t quit now. Plus…there’s a small chance that this is actually rubbing off on me and I’m getting better. Let’s go with that attitude. I like that one. So it goes.